We live in an era where virtually everyone carries a tool in their pocket that allows them to connect with anyone at any time. It would seem that under such conditions, loneliness should have become a thing of the past.
After all, thanks to the internet, we can meet and communicate with people from all over the world without even leaving home. Yet despite this, the number of lonely hearts continues to grow every year. Why is this happening, and what can be done about it? Let’s find out together.
The anatomy of modern loneliness
One of the key reasons people feel lonely is the substitution of genuine connection with its imitation. Social media creates the illusion that we have countless friends and acquaintances. We are constantly involved in their lives: liking photos, reading posts, and sharing content with one another.
However, this kind of online activity is merely a substitute for real communication. Very often, a person may have hundreds or even thousands of virtual friends, yet not a single one with whom they can have a truly heartfelt conversation.
In addition, widespread digitalisation has caused us to lose the ability to genuinely interact with one another. Messaging does not require us to respond in the moment or read a chat partner’s emotions through body language. We become accustomed to communicating on a superficial level while simultaneously juggling dozens of other tasks. As a result, over time it becomes increasingly difficult to listen attentively, stay engaged, and maintain a meaningful conversation.
It also becomes harder to express our own emotions sincerely and recognise what another person is feeling. Text-based communication lacks non-verbal cues, leaving us to guess the emotional tone behind each message.
On top of that comes the fear of rejection or misunderstanding. It causes us to build walls around ourselves so that no one can look into our soul. In general, many adults find it difficult to trust others, often because they have already been hurt once and do not want to repeat the experience. For them, it feels easier to be alone than to open up and trust someone again.
Who are we looking for — and does this person even exist?
Another cause of modern loneliness is excessive selectiveness. Many people wait for the arrival of the “perfect” partner, refusing to communicate with anyone who falls even slightly short of their expectations. The problem is that many create such an idealised image of a partner in their minds that this person may not even exist in real life.
Unrealistically high expectations are one of the main reasons so many people remain alone. They expect a partner to have flawless looks, a high income, identical hobbies, and the same outlook on life. At the same time, they are unwilling to compromise.
As a result, they spend enormous amounts of time searching for an imaginary ideal while overlooking real people who could become excellent partners if only they were given a chance. Moreover, even someone who meets every requirement is by no means a guarantee of a happy relationship.
The mechanics of disappointment in online dating
Online dating remains one of the most popular ways to find a soulmate. However, more and more people are becoming disillusioned with dating apps. This happens for several reasons:
- The “shop shelf” effect. Searching for a partner on dating services often turns into selecting a product in a supermarket. Apps have conditioned us to evaluate people according to certain “features”: appearance, income level, location, and so on. With so many options available, we gradually stop seeing users as individuals.
- The gap between expectations and reality. On the internet, almost everyone tries to present the best possible version of themselves. Some use only heavily edited photos, others exaggerate their achievements, while some rely entirely on ChatGPT to answer messages. When a face-to-face meeting finally takes place after a long period of messaging, disappointment often follows. It becomes clear that the digital image and the real person have very little in common.
- Lack of emotional involvement. Many online conversations are extremely superficial and end just as easily as they begin. Ghosting has become commonplace — even after weeks of communication, someone can simply disappear without explanation. As a result, many people emotionally withdraw and stop trying to get close to others in order to avoid getting hurt again.
In addition, the very mechanics of dating apps make finding a soulmate more difficult. They are remarkably similar to the mechanics of gambling. Whenever a match occurs, we experience a feeling of joy and satisfaction. At that moment, our bodies release dopamine.
The tricky thing about this hormone is that it encourages us to repeat behaviours that bring pleasure. As a result, many users become addicted to swiping. They open the app simply to get another dose of dopamine rather than to meet someone. They spend hours online swiping through profiles, yet the feeling of loneliness never truly disappears.
Video chat as a truth detector
Random chats completely change the rules of the game. Unlike dating services, finding a partner here stops feeling like shopping. You do not scroll through profiles or judge people based on their “specifications”. Instead, you begin getting to know someone immediately after connecting. Most importantly, you see a real, living person rather than a static photograph. You can sense their energy and decide whether you genuinely want to continue the conversation.
Moreover, communication in an online chat is one of the most effective ways to fight illusions. When meeting through video, it is impossible to hide behind filters and carefully crafted personas. Communication takes place in real time, allowing you to see a person exactly as they are.
You can also be confident that your chat partner is who they claim to be. For example, in CooMeet all girls are required to verify their identity. This allows users to communicate with confidence, knowing that the person on the other side of the screen is real rather than yet another fake profile. So instead of typing endless messages, you can just Go Meet today over a video chat to find someone interesting to talk to.
Equally important is the fact that emotional involvement in a video chat is far greater than in dating apps. When we communicate face to face, we perceive the other person as a real human being rather than just another profile. We pick up on all the non-verbal signals that are unavailable through text. There is no need to guess what mood someone is in while talking to us — we can see and hear it directly. All of this brings back the warmth and depth that online dating so often lacks.
Taking off the digital masks
Many of us have become accustomed to hiding behind perfect profiles because we are afraid to show our true selves. Yet this is precisely one of the reasons why so many people suffer from loneliness. When both people are playing a role and hiding behind a mask, it becomes impossible to build something genuine.
If you are tired of superficial conversations and searching for your soulmate, the first step is to start with yourself. Take off the masks, be sincere and honest, and do not be afraid to open up and trust others. Only then will you give people the opportunity to see the real you and create the possibility of building a happy relationship with someone who is truly right for you.
